What's Eating Dusk Watchman

I'm not sure what to write. I'm worried. So worried... But what am I worried about? What's eating me all the time? We're doing quite well with finances as of late. Apartment is rather organized, if not clean.

Why don't I want a family of my own? I don't want a career. I don't want the house we'll be able to get finally, this year. I look forward to teaching my son or daughter in the future, but I don't look forward to coming home to my wife. It's not just her I don't think. I don't think I would like coming home to ANYBODY. I want to be Alone. To be able to have complete control over when I have to see someone. My wife, my friends, my future children. My boss and fellow workers.

But that's not acceptable. Not socially, not scripturally. Do I merely need more Alone time? How much? How often? How long? Is it safe to schedule it?

Clearly, work nights aren't available. Saturday night would be foolish not long before it became selfish. Friday night? Even with school Saturday morning, as life is at the moment, I only have to be awake enough to take notes.

Friday night seems safe. Now, about a bedtime. Should there be one? I don't think so. I think that sometimes I'll need more or less time than others. I can gauge myself by how late I find myself staying up. More, we all already look forward to Fridays anyway. Now I'll actually have a reason to.

I can do whatever I want, within reason. Bills, blogging, Stumbling through sites. Perhaps even a movie. If I weren't so introverted, I might think about a bar, but over three reasons not to ever do that instantly flash into my mind.


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